A Time to Be Still

Okay, ladies and gentlemen...I am back.
Camp David is over for the summer. It's really bittersweet, actually. Camp was amazing this summer, but the ties that I have with the people there are so much stronger that I don't have to worry about losing contact. I am definitely looking forward to spending much more time with all of them.

I was wondering during one of the weeks why on earth was I doing what I was doing? I was a counselor, I was going crazy.
I didn't know how much longer I could handle my campers. They were the seven and eight year olds, we were stuck in the tent because there weren't enough cabins.
I was sleeping on the floor, the campers were the whiniest, neediest kids I had ever had to deal with, the tent was a sauna during the day and a haven for every loud bug you can imagine at night.
I remeber one night Twila (my co-counselor) and I were sleeping and I woke up with one of the girls who was cryin and noticed lightening. Well....this was an old tent with holes in it. Yeah....it rained. Hard. The tent flooded, the girls were screaming, everything was soaking wet, we had to run up to the big building and sleep up there. It was insanity, the next morning everything was wet and jumbled in a pile.....I was about ready to lose it.
I just kept asking "God...just a little more patience. Please. Just a little more grace. Just a little more strenght." I was about to lose it on thursday, and I was standing with Austin, talking to him, on the verge of tears. I was asking him why I was even here, I felt like I wasn't getting through to the girls, I felt like I was wasting my time.....and that day one of my beautiful little girls decided she wanted to get baptized.
She struggled with anger and bitterness and unhappiness, she had cried with me the night before about her broken life....and she is only nine. My heart went out to her and all of my campers and I just wanted them to be happy....I wanted to pour out my love and God's love on them. So we talked about Jesus and His promise for us and she asked to get baptized.
The next day we watched her beaming as Ben asked her who God was to her and dipped her in the water. As she was pulled out of the water, clean and pure with a beautiful smile on her little face, I turned to Austin and said
"This is what makes it all worth it"
And he just smiled and nodded. Then my camper came to me, sopping wet, and hugged me, tears in her eyes and she said "I feel so happy now. God is making me better."
This, my friends, is why I do what I do. Seeing God work in a broken life...it's the best thing in the world.

And speaking of God fixing broken lives....He has taught me a hard lesson this year. It's a time for me to be still. I do not like being still. I need to move. I need to go. I need to do. I need to see. If I am not moving, going, doing, seeing then I go crazy.
But there is a time in all of our lives when we need to just be still and stay where we are.
Being still isn't just about staying where you are, it's about preparing for where you are going.
And right now I need to stop moving, I need to be quiet and listen for God's plan for me.
I can't quite "do" when I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing, now can I? It's a hard thing to learn. I don't like it. I don't like having to just let my life be normal. And I would say it's boring but I think God has given me a little gift.
I am not bored. I am finding true delight in the little things. Getting lost on our way to the float trip, I had a blast because I chose to.
I found absolute joy in floating down a river with dear friends, climbing trees and crawling through dark caves, just being alive. I even forced myself to take a middle seat in a canoe with two friends and just let them take control while I did nothing.
There is something glorious in the air....something grand at work here. And I think I know what it is. It's God's promise of something bigger, something better on it's way if I only stay still and wait.
Good things come to those who wait, right? So this is me, being patient, being still....being happy. I've forgotten how amazing it is to just find joy in something as miniscule as being barefoot in the grass or watching the birds or sitting and talking with someone dear to me.
Ever since we came here I have been constantly looking for the "more" and missing the "enough" that God was giving to me as a gift every single day.
Here I am. Being happy to just be. And I am not saying it's going to be easy. I am not saying that I am not going to have my days of disapointment and discontentment but I am going to fight for it. Because it's a fight I want to win, and those of you who know me know that I don't lose what is important to me.
Life is amazing no matter where you are as long as you choose to see the glorious aspects and learn from the not-so-glorious ones.
Something big is coming for me. I just have to wait for it. Prepare for it. Listen for His will.

He said "Be still and know that I am God"
Okay....I'll give it a try.


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